The Month of Dismember… er, December.

I have disappeared. There have been a handful of people who have seen me… And I’m not sure I had my best foot forward even in those few instances.

I promised something of substance when the December dust cloud settled (and yes – this month is now affectionately known as “Dismember” in my odd little world). So without further ado, I give you…

Substance!

I reunited with my firstborn son last week.  Has he been gone?  No.  Have I been out of town?  No.

But it sure has felt like one of those scenarios was true.

I looked at him as he ate his nuggets.  And I couldn’t stop looking.  Truly, his youth and innocence flooded me all at once.  I found so much joy in his little profile, as his 4 year old jawbone moved up and down in amateur cycles.  There was no hint of self-doubt or of an effort to look cool on his part.  A little food on his chin.  Distant stares, as he daydreamed.  His childhood intrigued and overwhelmed me, in the most wonderful way.

I explained to him that I’ve loved him his whole life.  That all I could do as I looked upon his tiny frame when he entered the world – all I could do was cry in the most profound joy I’ve ever experienced on earth.  That his life and health and happiness meant so much to me.

I am a major weeper, I must say.  But what do you expect?  I’m an artistic personality, and I deeply love my son (and we haven’t even talked about my other little boy – or my wife, for that matter!).

I think my mom described it best, and it was in one word.  When I tried – through blubbering sobs and incoherent, inadequate verbage – to describe my love for this child a week or so after he was born, this is how she described the love a parent has for a child.

Fierce.

And that is precisely what it is.  It is written into the code of humanity.  The cement bonds that are instantly formed between two strangers – one parent, the other child – just do not relent.  They are primitive in the most animalistic and instinctual way, and yet utterly complex – even divine.  Only a human being created by the Father above could experience both instinct and divinity in their fullest dimensions.  And boy, do we.

So fellow bloggers and blog readers, here’s to God’s grace; that in parenthood, we are exposed to another transfinite dimension of God’s love for us.

And as always, I weep.

Grace and Peace.  -jc